there’s a challenge at the top of this page…

is it me speaking
or is it God who loves me?

am I seeking my glory
or His glory?

Lately, I feel him moving me, it’s normally when I’m not ready for it. And when I sit in silence to listen, its my mind that seems to do all the talking. If my life were a stage, who is taking the leading role? Me or the Creator.

Richard J. Foster writes about changing the image flow “from God coming into us to our coming into God.” ₉₇ This “coming into God” takes the focus off me.

How often do I truly wait for the Lord quietly.  Lamentations 3:25 “It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”_ESV I want to do the talking. I do not understand how the writer of Lamentations continues to hold on to and hope in the goodness of God. I don’t think it is through his own power that he speaks these words in verses 31-33:

For the Lord will not cast off forever,
but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion
according to the abundance of his steadfast love;
for he does not willingly afflict
or grieve the children of men.

Lamentations mostly gives a horrifying picture of how Israel is shattered. It tells about a ruined city reduced to ashes, vision clouded by tears, and mothers eating their own children to stay alive. (2:20) Despite all of the destruction and sadness, in the middle of the book, there is a glorious confession of hope in God. I have such a hard time wrapping my mind around how the writer can do this:

But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
3:21-24

After reading this statement the first time, all I could say is “How? How can the writer possibly say this now?” I cannot figure it out by human reasoning. I have to believe that the writer has an intimate relationship to God. That he has learned to listen to God. And that he has learned to let God’s words speak louder than his own, which brings me to the challenge of “Who’s really speaking here?” and “how do I let God do the speaking?”

People stand in terrible silence,
Eyes fixed on a reporter.
Another bomb exploded today,
Car with 1,500 pounds of
Explosives, a whole block leveled.

hearing, thinking, seeing.

1.

be here and hear, not just hear.
hearing waves and hearing waves,
one requires an ocean, one can happen here.
being there to hear is much different than sound waves here.
be here and hear, not just hear.

2.

words, endless words,
in my head, holy words mix with profane,
common words with the sophisticated.
my brain is a sort of alphabet soup.

3.

may I not be the only thing in my eyes.
open up my eyes to think of I,
focus my eyes to see I,
use my eyes to care for I.
grant my the strength to see past I.

water

wine.

1.

One can have everything, yet be a sun-scorched desert

One can have nothing, yet be a vast vineyard

The mystery of sacrifice.

One can live, but be in death

One can die, but be in life

The mystery of my Savior.

2.

    If Christ could make choice wine from jugs of water, what could he do with real grapes? Or, what could he do if we allowed ourselves to be the grapes? We grapes need to go through a process before we are turned into wine. We are crushed and broken. We are no longer individual grapes, we are an integrated mush. We are crushed some more, we turn into a liquid, and then we have to wait and be patient. Who we once were no longer exists. We are becoming a new creation.

    This winemaker knows when we are to be poured out, poured out to give life, joy, grace, peace, and love to the thirsty. We have been transformed into a perfect wine. During his last dinner with his closest followers, Christ took a cup of wine, he said it was his blood and to remember him by it. We are his wine, his blood. Following the example of Christ, we are to lay down our lives and to be his wine/blood poured out to show his love.

[This has multiple influences: 1. a Mewithoutyou song. 2. a chapter from a Rob Bell book. 3. Jesus' miracle of turning water into wine. 4. possibly others.]

 

from clear signs, to aimless wanderings,

we are not separated from love

Dangerous Wonder

currently, I am trying to discover what it means to live in Dangerous Wonder of God

and Follow Him on a mysterious, exciting journey.

Be Still.

and He told me, “Be Still, Know that I am your God.”

and He told me, “Abide in Me, and I will Abide in You.”